After my breakup, I was a bit of a wreck but decided to do something about it. The doctor advised Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) courtesy of Health In Mind. I was referred to a place in Boomtown. A nerve-wracking experience and in my first meeting everything came out in a rant. We set one meeting per month.
I take time off, come back and immediately have to hea
d off on a business trip. Loneliest hotel stay I have ever had. It was a difficult trip and I learned that I don't have the mental/verbal skills to handle aggressive situations. To top it off I am off I am late for the return flight because the taxi driver gets lost.
At work a few issues are reported. More meetings, where I am told that "I'm not just some idiot boy off the street..." but they "feel like they can see the wool between my ears...". What do I want to be I'm asked? How should I know? I want to make my own decisions. I'm told that it doesn't matter how good it looks as long as it works, which in some cases it hadn't. And that environment that was just created for testing? You are responsible for it and it isn't working. Fix it.
I met with the therapist and decided to work on Assertiveness. Each month she sets me tasks to do. I practise at work and with friends. Things start changing. At work, it seems to get a lot harder at first then easier as time goes on. In my social life I learn it's best to tell people what you are thinking or feeling. It's tough but I do it.
My friends and I decide to go to Amsterdam for a week. It turns into one drunken trip to get over a breakup. Good times! On the way home I'm sitting next to a couple who are so cute it's untrue. I decide that I won't go away until I get that again. How times change.
One Friday afternoon, an issue is reported and I investigate with some help. "This is really badly written" I am told. Irony hits me as the work is not mine to complain about and it was the opposite of what I was told. It works but doesn't look good. I start laughing, hysterically and can't stop, much to the annoyance of the people around me and the person trying to tell me off.
My final meeting with the therapist I decided to talk about all of the relationships in my life so far. We spend the next hour going back over them and she says she can see a pattern in these relationships. I haven't pursued relationships that I wanted. This is something different from assertiveness. She referred me to further councillors but I didn't have the inclination to follow them up. She asks me what I would like people to say about me at my funeral. Fairly morbid but I said "He was kind, generous and never judged." What are are my long-term goals? To be good at my job and to have a comfortable home life. What have I always wanted to do but been afraid to attempt? Going travelling alone or with friends. What would you do if you had 6 months to live? I would move out of my parents and go travelling, visiting places I want to go to.
Things seem to be improving!





























