A pig in a poke 8: Fin

My final article in this series. I wanted to share it with you before this year is finished.

After being signed off for a month, I had a very relaxing time. I went for long walks, cycles, did the gardening and saw family. I also went for an interview in Glasgow but sadly came second in the process (maybe something to do with the commute).

In my final week, I arranged a meeting with my trade union to discuss a few things. My father helped prepare and attended the meeting with me. I am warned that his attendance was only allowed as it was a casual meeting. We highlighted this new Improvement Plan, all of the rules and laws that were not being followed and that a lot of what had happened these last two years could be construed as harassment. There was no SMART plan so all of these targets are unachievable. We wanted someone from the union specialised in restorative meetings to arrange one with my bosses as neither of us trusted each other. My father tells me he didn't have to have such meetings till late in his career.

Sure enough the occupational health nurse called me up to discuss my return to work. After a brief chat, he suggests getting a new job. I am to do a phased return so in on alternate half days the first week and alternate full days the second. I also have to go to a counsellor about stress and attend a course about it.

There is a return to work meeting the following week. "I object to you coming in before when the doctor had signed you off" my boss begins. He is referring to the day I came in to attend a meeting. I tell him this and he replies "I didn't organise any meeting". "Interesting, why did HR invite me to one then? " I ask. 20 minutes of similar discussion is all that HR can stand before moving the meeting on. They don't realise I have all day to keep playing that ping pong.

I ask for a copy of my new contract detailing my duties. This is refused in case I refuse to do anything. I state for example that it doesn't mention phone duties in my contract and that most people at my new level don't deal with the phone. Tough I am told. My new job will be exactly like my old one but with increased supervision. No further details are provided about what that means. I ask for details of a complaint that someone has put in against me. They can't tell you who, what they complained about or why they complained. Interesting.

Please sign this Improvement Plan I'm told. My union advisor gets involved and suggests that this is harassment. They back down, but tell me I have to follow their plan otherwise I might be dismissed in October.

I go to my first counsellor session and have a good chat with her. She is simply in note taking mode. I also start going to the stress control course. If you need notes on this I can dig them out.

My last day of my first week back and my boss asks me what I discussed with my counsellor. A matter I thought was personal. I just talked about stress I stuttered. I finally start getting into the flow of things a few weeks in, although relationships are strained.

I am taught about the Parent-Adult-Child model(http://www.hopestreetcentre.co.uk/therapy-sandbach-cheshire/understanding-parent-adult-child-model) regarding communication with my bosses by my councillor. Essentially every communication can be modelled to be between Parent-Adult-Child. A parent's style can either be nurturing or critical. An adult can switch between Parent and Child and a Child can either be Adapted(resistant) or Free (playful). I figured out my communication style with my boss was Critical Parent to Adapted Child so I changed it to Adult. This made a little difference but I gradually came to realise that I was the only one making any effort.

One evening after a particularly hard week, I was out with some friends at a comedy show. On the way home, a girl I had a thing for told me I was one of her best friends. When I got home, I was in a daze with everything that had happened. I sat down in my hall, curled up and stared at the wall for 30 minutes. Coming to, I picked up the two leaflets that had been delivered for the Referendum - one promising that the world would be full of roses if we left the UK and the other telling us we were all going to die if we did or at least the place would be like a slum. Neither was very accurate - I had done my own research so disregarded it immediately. I wandered through to the living room and started thinking about one of my goals to go travelling. I decided at that moment to quit my job.

Several people gave me advice about it ranging from "Just do it" to "What will you do with no job?". I decided I didn't care so I handed in my notice and set my final day of work to be a month after the Referendum - October 18th. Incidentally this was the month that I had been told I would be let go in. I gave them two months notice to get their affairs in order with me.

Two weeks to go and a colleague tells me after a meeting that I haven't been invited to that I would be very busy for the last two weeks with several projects needing to be finished. "I'll do what I can do" I replied only to be told that I had a bad attitude. I just smile and nod - I don't really care.

In the final week, my trade union rep suggests that I investigate taking action against my work but after investigation and a little thinking I decide that it isn't even worth the effort. I want to leave and be done with the place. A more senior rep tells you that "It seems like you have been shit all over from a great height." I agree and wish everyone great happiness in the future.

Leaving was one of the best decisions I took. I learned all about work politics and how that all works. Most of the lessons I learned there will stay with me forever, the good and the bad. Now I am a lot happier, a lot wiser and a lot less bothered by what people think. I went travelling and I intend to do more - got to check off that bucket list and I got another job very soon after returning. One lesson I learned was that you should never let anyone tell you they are your only option!

If anyone is experiencing similar issues or needs any advice about anything in this series, please drop me a line!

I hope you enjoyed reading and Happy New Year!

A quest to find the perfect Fish and Chips - Timeout Hotel

Timeout Hotel - St Lawrence Gap, Barbados
Price: £9.05 ($27BBD)
As a little Christmas special I decided to do a little different post - our first fish and chip meal in Barbados.

After an 7:45 minute flight and 1 hour taxi drive from Edinburgh, we were rather hungry when we eventually arrived at our hotel.  We dumped our suitcases and headed straight to the bar.  They are very big on fish over here so my eye was immediately caught by the Catch of the Day.  I asked the barmaid what fish this was and her reply was "Dolphin" and immediately burst into tears of laughter at the look on the girls faces.  Just a note that Dolphin in Barbados is Mahi Mahi.

A huge amount of seats were on offer as the bar was practically empty aside from a few locals from the street.  It took a short time - 15 minutes or so for our food to be prepared.  My portion was huge with a beautiful looking fish (not battered) and a very large portion of sweet potato fries.  The fish was soft, delicate and it instantly melted in your mouth.  Having sweet potato fries was a little different but they were really delicious and I would definitely indulge again.

Overall I would recommend this meal to anyone.  It is a little pricey compared to the food here, however due to the quality and the fact I was sitting in, it is entirely understandable. No offence Flipper but you are delicious! 

I would like to take the chance to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Overall:
8.5/10

A quest to find the perfect Fish and Chips - The Harbour

The Harbour Takeaway, Port Seton
Price: £6.00 (Supper)
On a fine winters afternoon, we set off to Port Seton to try out this well known and popular chip shop.  I have only ever passed through here on the bus so this was a little adventure.

The shop is a little cafe near the harbour that sells fish and chip suppers.  While a little cramped, we were able to sit in and enjoy the unique decoration in the shop.  It seems to be a meeting place for a few of the older generation as we discovered as we had to share condiments with them.  The staff were very friendly and offered to open up a fresh packet of biscuits when Ryan went back for pudding.

My fish was delicious.  A little flaky and the batter was just right.  We sat in for this one so it was nicely served on a plate with a slice of lemon to squeeze over it.  The chips were quite flavoursome and definitely worth the effort to go back here.  What often makes a dish is the sauce and vinegar that you put on it and the vinegar here was delicious.

If I was passing through Port Seton again, I would definitely go back.

On average:
8/10

A pig in a poke: Work Related Stress 7

After that last meeting, another was arranged for shortly after. Fighting back a little I put together a list of the areas I had done well in. Unfortunately my union rep couldn't be present due to prior commitments.  An update was also released to another project that had been thoroughly tested.  There was an issue with it in some cases that had not been found before.  It is added it to a list of things to check.  You are told they understand what you are saying, however they don't care.  There should be no issues and you are going to cause an international embarrassment for your company.  Another issue cropped up that was causing issues with several people.  This was going to be a substantial piece of work to fix and your bosses disagreed on the solution.  One said that no matter the size of the work involved, it should be looked into.  The other said do not look into this, there are other solutions.  Regardless this is your fault.  If something goes wrong at a bank submitting a mortgage payment, you don't expect the bank to ask you if they should submit it.  They should just do it.  I wonder what happened if you had sorted out an alternative way of paying and you then have a double payment.  You haven't taken ownership of this situation and this has caused concern.  Interestingly both of my managers disagreed about the priority of this task with one stating that it was low priority and the other stating it was high priority.

Communication with the client had increased, however there were issues with work being completed on time.  One of the checks on the system was failing and instead of fixing the problem immediately on Live, I had tested this on a Staging environment.  How can I possibly be too thorough in one instance and not thorough enough in another?

At the end of the meeting, I am asked to present my views.  Having prepared in advance, I hand out a copy of the good work that I have done.  I should have done this a little better - instead of a list of the good work, I should have submitted a full and detailed explanation of where I had done well and the policies that were not being followed currently.  I could have given it to them prior to the meeting, however based on what happened next it would have made no difference.   One boss scans the list in 30 seconds and then says well looking through this, he helped people out all the time so helping people is just something that is expected.  Some clients are having issues with the project so most of the list is negated.  Another boss tells you that for every example of being good, he has a counter example.  Human Resources asks if I felt that the Improvement Plan had been achieved.  Yes, this list says that has been achieved in full.  Regardless, there are some concerns and you are now being given 2 months to improve.

I started working on 2 new projects. One of the most eccentric ladies but with the best banter is the contact.  I draw up a diary and realise that what is being asked is not possible with the amount of time I have.  Having an 80 hour project + a 37 hour project to complete in 3 weeks and the multitude of small tasks that make up a day.  Feeling a little despair, I inform my manager that I won't be able to meet the deadline.  You will meet this deadline as it is unmoveable I am told.  Halfway through this, an emergency happens and I spend most of the second week coordinating communications with 4 different groups of people all in different parts of the country.  I manage to sort out the emergency and get back to the original work.  

Before the emergency took my attention I had sent a Quote to my manager for one of the projects.  Chasing it up 1 and a half weeks later, I get the reply - "What is this quote for?  I stopped reading after the first line.  Half an hour to do a simple task that has been done before?"  I felt like I had been totally let down in communication.  The reply was not only rude, it was completely unhelpful.   Another issue comes in and I find a novel solution although unfortunately add two more records than I need to.  I get praised for finding the solution and told off for adding two more than I should have - quite correctly.  At another stage, I am in a meeting with a manager and he tells me "I don't know what you do, but I think I could do it better".  Excellent I suggest, I will tail you doing my job so that I might learn how to do it better.  Stop being so pedantic, it is a throwaway comment and not to be taken seriously.

I find a training course that I think would save me a lot of time in the longer term.  No, this is useless a lot of it is just common sense.  On another occasion, I get left finishing a task on a Friday afternoon as my manager leaves early.  I discover I don't have authorisation for finishing the task and ask for assistance with no reply.  Later that evening I get an email stating that I failed the task because it was meant to be finished before I left.  Not a nice email to get on a Friday evening.

After all of these issues, I discover that my main project won't be possible to put live on the date the client has set as they will actually be on holiday for the week before it is due to be finished and they understandably don't want to go live on their first day back.

In a discussion with a colleague one afternoon on the way home, I discovered that he had been offered a redeployment.  I decided that I would try to investigate if a similar route was available for myself but unfortunately there was no other department to go to.

My final meeting with them comes.  I say that I have coped under very difficult and challenging circumstances.  I was really pleased with the way I had handled the emergency.  Well those circumstances wouldn't have arisen if there had been some forward planning I am told.  I tell them that the client has not prioritised or scheduled time for moving a project off a failing server - a week long project.  Presumably I don't schedule time to go to the toilet comes the reply.  Please note if I am ever in the bathroom for a week I may have died so please call an ambulance.  I am then informed that a client has complained about me but I am not allowed to know who or what they complained about in case it negatively impacts my work with them.  After the meeting, Human Resources and my Trade Union rep have a chat with me and suggest that if I take a demotion then all of these plans and meetings will stop.  Taking a step back at this time might be advantageous to my career.  I might like to recruit a mentor using the Mentoring programme.

Pondering this, I arrange a meeting with Human Resources again and discuss the demotion.  A new lady this time.  I mention that I think there is a culture of bullying within the department.  Alarm bells go above her head and she says that I should reconsider this statement.  I tell her I don't want to pursue it currently.  She tells me that if I go ahead with this then I will have a paycut of £10,000 but less responsibility and I won't have any more meetings of attack.  I tell her I will consider it and I then sign up to get a mentor.

In my first mentor meeting, she asks me where do I want to be when I am 40?  What are my plans and how will I achieve them?  It should be my responsibility to organise training and manage my managers expectations.  Maybe we all at fault in this situation?  

During this time and after bottling it with one very pretty girl who made me late for hockey, I decided I wanted to learn the skills of how to properly socialise and seem more attractive to women.  A few of the lessons I learn teach me the different roles you can play - either being an alpha, non judgemental and having self integrity or be weaker, try to undermine people and attack them demonstrating your low self esteem.  I also learned the various uses of eye contact in different situations.

I decide to organise a meeting with my manager to find out if there is a middle ground so I lose slightly less than £10,000.  I already know the answer before going in.  This meeting is just to gauge his reaction and work out his game plan.  No, that is what we are offering you I am told.  I looked into his eyes and saw everything.  I saw the fear because he didn't have a plan, the bitterness of the last few years and the anger.  Looking back there was also a little bit of sadness in there too.  I smiled at him, shook his hand and quietly left feeling a pleased with myself.

After this meeting, I emailed Human Resources and signed up to the demotion.  This was processed and signed off.  Imagine my surprise when I received a new Performance Improvement Plan for a job I wasn't doing yet.  I consulted with my Trade Union rep who told me to in no circumstances sign such a thing, in fact his words were "Rip it up".  Cue weekly emails asking me to sign.

One morning two weeks later I got up to go to work that day and my mind was numb.  I couldn't think about going to work.  I was trying to think of stupid things I could do in the house that would make me not leave.  I was terrified of leaving the house.  I pushed myself out the door.  I recall standing underneath the bridge at Cameron Toll and making a deal with myself  - if I continued feeling like this at the end of the day, I wouldn't go in tomorrow.  I conveyed my deal to Human Resources, who agreed.  At the end of the day I was still panicking and numb.  I went to Self Defence class and calmed myself down a bit but not enough.  Eventually my parents came in to get me, took me home for a whisky and to stay in the family home.  

The next day I went to the doctor and told him about the last few years and that I had a meeting on Tuesday to discuss the next steps with Human Resources.  He said go into the meeting and if you are feeling panicky then sign yourself off for a month.  Your body is actually experiencing a natural reaction to the environment you are in.  It is the fight or flight response and there is nothing you can do about it.  Here are some leaflets about a course in Stress and please come back to discuss with the councillor/listening service.

At work, I do not get invited to any meeting so organise one myself with Human Resources.  They tell me that even if I do not sign the Improvement Plan, I will have to sign up to something which could result in me being asked to leave in October.  I hand the note over from the doctor and sign myself off for a month.

This is actually my second last post about Work Related Stress.  Apologies for it being so long and thank you for taking the time to read it.

If you need any of the materials that I was given regarding Stress or Assertiveness, please get in touch.W

A quest to find the perfect Fish and Chips - Jubilee

Jubilee, West Granton
 Price: £6.00 (Supper)
When we arrived at this place, there was only 2 fishes on display so we had to wait 20 minutes for them to make a fresh fish.  They served the last two to Ryan and David, although with Ryan's the lady behind the counter accidentally covered the fish in brown sauce despite vinegar being asked for so she had to make a fresh one.  There was a good amount of banter behind the counter while they were doing this and they offered to keep our meals warm while we waited.

Our meal was eventually served up in a polystyrene tray and they gave us a free bottle of Irn Bru for the mistake.  We decided to eat in David's car, although fairly comfortable seating was provided, and shortly after exiting the shop, Ryan's freshly prepared fish almost ended up all over the pavement much to the amusement of the staff.

After all of these disasters, we finally tucked into our meal.  My fish was an interesting mix between meaty and flaky.  This actually worked in it's favour as it was different from some of the poorer ones that we have had in the last few weeks.  Most of the chips were crispy which I quite liked, although a few were burnt.  The entire meal I would describe as average despite all this.

If I had to choose a chip shop in West Granton I would happily choose Javit's over this one.

On average:
7/10